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Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia

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Traveling is Grand [May. 6th, 2010|06:36 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[Current Location |Wandering]
[mood |enthralledenthralled]
[music |Fibonacci in Lateralus]

Went back to the road. Arizona was wonderful. Working Scarby right now, heading to work with the elephants in Colorado. Got to camp in a cave in the Tonto National Forest. Last Sunday got to see Sphongle! So much has been happening good in my life since I came back to the road. Looking forward to see you there.
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Philosophy [Jan. 8th, 2007|05:18 am]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[Current Location |space]
[mood |indescribableI am]
[music |none actually]

Philosophy
What is your meaning, your take, your point of view of I am, I am? Do you understand the meaning that has to some? Better yet do you understand the meaning? Does it have a meaning to you? Do you even have a point of view or meaning for the subject?

For some having a point of view is easy. "I like the color pink. I hate the color pink. I want to eat Italian food. I don't want to eat Italian food. I am happy today. I am sad today."

For others... like myself...it is more like a grey area. Some things you can see really easily... other peoples point's of view... but never you own. If everyone else is wanting steak, but nothing else... why make them upset because they know that they want steak, it is not hurting you that you are eating at a steak resturant, and at least you are eating! What if all you wanted was to eat, you would be happy, thankful, and gracious. If you were getting to eat you went with someone who wanted steak, then it is a bonus that you could help them get what they wanted, on top of helping you get what you wanted. What if all you wanted was to help others and coiencidentally you got to help yourself? Though when you get there, and you realize that there are choices, different points of view. There is chicken, pork, and shrimp on the menu. Then you have to ask yourself, are you truely happy eating steak? Yet, helping your friend with their point of view/choice/want made you happy, should you not be just happy with helping your friend? Though, surely there is something else on the menu that would also bring this peaceful enjoyment to you, as your friend has verified happiness in this steak. From past exeriences you know that you like chicken, so why not stay in that same middle ground, "the safety zone". Where you can't get hurt... where you know that you are not going to end up being sick later. That place where your feelings have left you... the grey area. It is not bad, it is not good, just unfeeling... yet contentment... just not peace. Also, do you trust you friend well enough that you feel it a wise decision to follow in their steak idea. Will eating the steak come back to haunt you at a later time, or will your friend have good judgement on the steak? You feel that you are lacking, because something as simple as picking a dinner dish is beyond you. Not in the incabaple sense, but in the having neither a positive choice or a negative choice. The feeling of "meh" is the closet that I can discribe it in one word. Yet, because you are in the "saftey zone" you don't get to introduce new choices into your life. You trust your safety zone, you just not happy there... but do remeber at least your not sad there... and being sad sucks... or does it? If you make that decision to try the ribs, and the ribs are too spicy... at least you have made that leap and you know that you do not like the ribs. You have that perspective, that negative to balance the positive. You know the feeling that spicy ribs suck, and it's sad that ribs suck, but at least next time you will know not to order the ribs and have a better chance at finding something that you do like. Sometimes, you let yourself jump off the deep end though and you don't know what you are in for. You may have had EsCargo handed to you or even food fight style ended up on your plate. You don't know how you feel about EsCargo because you don't even know WHAT EsCargo is. So you have to pick it apart and learn about the Escargo first to see how you feel about it... but again... what if all you were was hungry? Wouldn't your be thankful that you had something to eat in the first place? What if all you wanted to do is feel? What if everything was grey and unfeeling? What if the problem was not, not being happy... but the actual problem was not being anything? Before you can know what makes you feel happy, you have to know how to feel and to be able to feel. You have to feel safe enough to be hurt a little, and to have the knowladge to know about what made you hurt... or happy if the case may be. If you know what it is to feel hurt, then you can go from there and learn what makes you happy. Next time that you go to order, you decide that based on the pain of the spicy ribs, you should try the shrimp. The shrimp is good. It as good garlicy as the ribs were sad spicy. You can be doublely thankfull of the positive shrimp, because of the knowladge - of how negative the ribs turned out - makes the shrimp that much better because you have something that you enjoy. When you and your friend have both found their own perspectives and you are both happy going to the same resturant, you are happy for each other in their decisions. Neither of you have hurt one another's happiness with the other's decision to eat shrimp or steak, nor did you have hurt the resturant that was serving you food in the first place... everything is in harmony. Everyone is at peace and happy. Now the question is that you have found happiness, do you venture further? How do you feel about venturing futher into the unknown and out of your "saftey area"? Does it turn into a grey area now that it is your new safety zone? Do you know that you are truely happy... do you know that you are truely sad? If there is a small step into happiness, is there a larger one? But, are you unafraid; do you venture forth to that happiness knowing that to balance it, you must also know what it is to hurt that badly, to understand the know how to be able to be that happy? Yet... what is beyond venturing further into happiness and sadness... shrimp or ribs... to lobster and bacon... and further beyong that? What if everything is a saftey zone, everything is... not good or bad... just is? Is is all one big saftey zone? Is it all the same? Is it just one thing or is it many and/or both? Is it both good and bad at the same time or do you even have the knowladge of what good and bad are? It is black and white mixed together in harmony... or is it just grey. Is it everything all at once... or nothing at all? What is beside the point of what IT is, it more about the fact that it IS... and that you are or "I am". When you slowly baby step through the perspectives and points of view and feelings and meanings and grey areas to find your black or white... lobster or bacon... you learn that it is not whether "I am happy. I am sad."... it is simply, "I am, I am" Each day is a new day, I cannot change the past for it has brought me to who "I am", but I relish each day because it brings me closer to who "I am". "I am, who I am." "I am" When one reaches oness with the heavens and earth. "I am"
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Orange Fuzzy Hat [Nov. 29th, 2006|10:22 am]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[Current Location |at home]
[mood |ditzyditzy]
[music |Red Hot Chilli Peppers]

So some of you know my love of hats... Just so the rest of you know... I work in a hat shop at the RenFaire and LOVE HATS... I almost always have one on. I feel nekid without one nowdays.

Today I went to see Carolyn Wonderland and bought a Orange Fuzzy Hat with cute ears on it. Little did I know that it had indiviual little fuzzies on it that were pink. It was dark I didn't look well enough. All I knew was that it was orange, fuzzy, and has ears.. I planned on adding green anime style bows under the ears to match my orange, black, and green scarf that Sketch/Kevin made for me last year, but I also ended up putting a lot more work into the hat then originally planned. I HATE PINK. So when I got home tonight and realized that there were pink fuzzies all over my ORANGE hat, I sat down with a black majic marker and preceded to color these fuzzies black... for the last two hours. My neck hurts... can I get a neck rub anyone? Heh...So now my orange hat has black fuzzies all over it. It will match my orange, black, and green scarf more then originally planned... as soon as I get the bows on it.

I know this hat with all the work that I've put into it already is going to be a staple in my garb and normal clothes. I am excited about my new hat!
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To my Rennie Family [Nov. 7th, 2006|11:32 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

I read this and thought of many of you. *huggles* Many of you, I see this as true.


An Historical Overview of the Whereabouts of Gnomes and Elves, Fauns and Faeries, Goblins, Ogres, Trolls and Bogies, Nymphs, Sprites, and Dryads, Past and Present.
-- by Buck Young

A long, long time ago, the Earth belonged to the creatures of the wood. By creatures of the wood I mean gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads. They tended it and took care of it, played in it, danced and sang in it, cared for wounded animals, worked out disputes between species, sat on mushrooms discussing matters of import and drinking Labrador tea, rode down streams on leaves and bark, and parachuted from trees with dandelion seeds. This was the world into which mankind was born. These early days, when man was but a newly arrived dinner guest who hadn't yet taken over the entire house, are fairly well documented in the literature and folklore of the world, so there's no need to go into it here. What I am interested in, and what I am asking you to be interested in, is the question, "Where did all the gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites and dryads go?"

The friction between man and the wood creatures began with the discovery of agriculture. With the discovery of agriculture, civilization arose and spread. The forests were cleared to provide wood for shelter and fields for pasture and crops. Mankind had set up camp. No longer just a visitor in someone else's world, he pushed the wild back from his newly built doorstep. At first this wasn't a problem. There weren't many people and everyone else felt that it was only fair to allot them their own little half acre to do with as they wished. Some of them even decided to help out. Gnomes moved into the barnhouses and helped out with the gardening chores. The devic spirits of the vegetables helped the humans better organize their crops and plan rotation, and taught them the correlation between planetary and lunar cycles and the agricultural year, plant radishes when the moon is in Cancer, harvest when the moon is in Taurus. Many trolls felt that the heaping piles of manure were a change for the better, and decided to stick around too.

The rest of the wood creatures just backed off into the wood, occasionally playing mischievous tricks on the new settlers, like turning the milk sour, rearranging furniture tipping the cows, tickling people's faces in their sleep, and occasionally stealing babies and leaving bundles of wood in their place.

But man's dominion spread (and spread and spread and spread), and the forests got smaller and smaller and smaller. Things got real crowded in the woods, and things were getting worse in civilization. Most farmers weren't listening to the devic spirits anymore. People found that they could increase their output by disregarding the needs of the Earth. They were raising productivity and killing the soil. Petrochemicals were just a step away. Most of the devic spirits and the gnomes fled. The trolls stayed. Today they live mostly under bridges and in the shallow, mucky ditches beneath the metal grating on farm roads that cows are afraid to cross. Be sure to honk your horn before driving over one of these. A troll may be hanging from the grate, swinging over its living room, as they are apt to do after rolling in muck and manure, If you don't give a warning honk, you may run over its fingers, and it's not a great idea to get either your name or your license plate number on a troll's shit list.

Now there is little wild land left at all, and even that is shrinking at an unprecedented rate. There is simply not enough space for all the gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads.

So where are they?

Are they dead?

No.

So where did they go?

The answer is a bit surprising. They didn't go anywhere. We did.

Early humans had an intuitive knowledge of their role in nature, just as bears and raccoons and mice and every other critter does. They understood, from the ways of the wild around them, that nothing ever comes from nowhere and nothing ever just disappears. Things change form. Death is necessary for life to continue. They offered up their kills as sacrifices to the gods of nature. They offered praise, prayer, sacrifice, and song to the spirits of the wild, to brother buffalo, brother deer, brother fish, and brother tree.

Now we know that everything that has ever existed continues to exist, in one form of another, and as far as we can tell, they were more aware of that back then than we are now. So the sacrifice, song, praise and prayer did not ensure the immortality of the slaughtered, either in body or in spirit. That was already taken care of. What it did ensure was the continuance of the connection between the spirit of the slaughterer and the spirit of the slaughtered. Killing is risky business. The membrane separating the internal from the external is not necessarily as thick or as dearly defined as we have come to believe. Every time we kill, we risk killing the reality of that thing inside ourselves as well as outside. We risk breaking the connections that lead in and out of the membrane. Taking life to feed life requires a keen understanding of the natural law of give and take. When we lost that understanding, gave up the songs, the sacrifice, the prayers, the praise, we lost the connection. Saying grace is not enough.

When we lose those connections, everything becomes dead - fish, rivers, frogs, mice, even each other. There is no way they can reach inside us any more. The five senses we are left with are not enough. We have given up those connections in exchange for the freedom to clearcut forests with skidders, turn cows into milk machines and chickens into egg factories. We can experiment on animals, club seals, wear mink coats, exterminate passenger pigeons, dodo birds, whales, bear, dolphin and condor. Not a twinge of guilt. The lines have been severed.

And we are all under the impression that it is the forests, the creatures, the spirits, and the wildlands that are disappearing from the universe and not us. Not so. Thinking that is like thinking that if you stand on the end of a limb and saw that limb from the tree, the tree will fall and you will remain standing. Bugs Bunny might be able to get away with that, but we can't. When a marionette cuts its strings, the puppeteer doesn't collapse to the ground. When a spider severs the lines that connect its web to the trees, the forest doesn't fall away.

It is we who have fallen away from the real world into a world where we may carry out our twisted sterile dreams without threatening the Earth and its inhabitants. Ever wonder why the trees and stones and rivers and streams, the birds, the snakes, the bears and the frogs no longer talk to us as they did in the early tales of the Native Americans, the Hindus, the Africans, the Bible? It's because we're not around to talk to any more. Every clearcut, every vivisection, every mechanized slaughter of cow, pig, or chicken moves our dreamworld farther and farther from the tree, making a reunification, which is still possible, more and more difficult.

Somewhere not so far from here, in the real world, the ancient forests are still standing, the buffalo roam the prairies, the sky is full of condors, the deer and the antelope play, and dodo birds wander the sandy beaches, bumping into things.

Where there are still wildlands in our dreamworld, strong connections still exist. Bridges, tunnels, and portals. Occasionally a traveler will get lost in the wilderness and find himself in the real world, returning the next day to find that a hundred years have passed, or never returning at all.

There are more ephemeral connections as well - brooks and waterfalls where you can still hear voices from the other side, if you listen carefully enough. When they sit by these waters they hear loud clanking and screams. When they eat psilocybin everything stops glowing, and condos rise where forests stand. Our children can see their world in their dreams. Their children see ours in their nightmares.

And there is another connection. Sometimes agents from the other side infiltrate our world in an attempt to expedite the reunification. Believe it or not, they miss us over there. Sometimes - more often than you might think - they send souls over to our world to be born as human babies. Sort of like a socialist, communist, or anarchist entering the American political arena and running for office in an attempt to effect change from the inside. There are quite a lot of them actually - gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads - running around in human bodies, doing crazy things like writing on walls, working in co-ops, running inns in the mountains, talking to themselves in the streets, making pottery, illustrating children's books, spiking trees and blowing up tractors. They are planting bio-dynamic gardens, sitting in the back yard naked, arguing with Satan. They are in asylums pumped full of thorazine, in the classroom on Ritalin and lithium. They live with Indians. They run recycling centers. They are starting revolutions, corrupting the young, inventing paranoid conspiracy theories, making up religions. They're directing movies, gobbling acid, drinking heavily and writing poetry.

The transition from their world to ours is not an easy one. Intricate rituals and incantations are involved. The transition is not easy on the soul. A great deal is lost. They may have no idea who or what they are at first. They may or may not find out. They will know that they are not like everyone else. They will know that this world is not theirs. They will faintly remember something better, where things made sense and worked like they ought to, where love and magic had the power to heal.

They will know that what makes other people happy does not make them happy, and that what makes them happy makes them happier than anyone else alive.

They will see things others cannot see, hear things others cannot hear, feel things others cannot feel, and know things others do not know.

They will laugh a great deal or cry a great deal or both.

They will love humans individually, but have a hard time with humanity as a whole that may occasionally approach loathing.

They will have a handful of very close friends, and often be very lonely.

They will be unhappiest when forced to act like a human and do the things that humans do, want the things that humans want, or when they are convinced that they actually are one.

Things will not be easy for them. Because of their memories of the other side, the world will seem to them to be a wondrous calliope with just a few teeth missing on one of the cogs, and because of this tiny deficiency, the music is all off key, the horses are crashing into each other, and the children are frightened, bruised and crying.

The solutions will seem obvious and no one else will listen.

They will be repeatedly punished for shouting FIRE! in a crowded theater when the buildings are in flames no one else can see. They will get slapped on the wrist for pointing to the EXIT signs when everyone else is running around screaming and trampling each other.

They will be zealous, fanatical, and didactic about their beliefs. They will feel utterly confused.

They will have ecstatic visions and babble incoherently. They will be extremely articulate. They are prone to long periods of silence. They have no idea how to say what they really mean.

They will spend a lot of time with children and animals.

They will become drunkards and dope fiends, organic gardeners, Essene soapmakers, carpenters, madmen, magicians, jugglers and clowns, lunatic physicists, painters and scribblers, travelers and wanderers.

They will dress in bright colors, frumpy sweaters, or all black.

They will smoke too much and drink too much. They will eat only macrobiotic foods. They will develop addictions to Mountain Dew.

They will often be accused of living in their own fantasy world.

They will make great lovers. Yeah, even the trolls.

They will spend too much time either making love or thinking about it.

They will speak to inanimate objects.

They will have much brighter eyes than everyone else.

They will expect their magic to work in this world and their love to heal, and they will be crushed by this world, and often they won't expect it.

It will come close to killing them.

They will visit the places where the connections still exist: the waterfalls, the mountains, the ocean, the forests. They will draw on all the power they have, and sometimes, sometimes, the magic will work. And everything will be wondrously easy. The teeth will grow back on the calliope's cog, the tune will right itself, the horses will bob gracefully up and down, around and around, and the children will giggle and sing with cotton candy stuck to their cheeks and noses.

They will spend their days trying to reconnect a branch that millions are still busy sawing away at. Often it will be more than they can bear.

While the rest of humanity is busy working on new and more efficient ways to lay waste to the Earth with the push of a button, they are saving it, a handful at a time.

They will share a common conviction that they are the only sane individuals in a world gone mad.

They're right.
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If your over 18... [Nov. 7th, 2006|07:55 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[mood |okayokay]

Don't forget to vote today!

Kinky Friedman
Chris Bell
Rick Perry

It is not as important who you vote for, but that you vote! Without your vote you have no voice in your state politics! People under 30 are the least likely to vote, change the norm! Let your voice be heard! VOTE!!!

Aria
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Cross Posting From Myspace Crack [Oct. 24th, 2006|09:45 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[Current Location |In my own little world... heh.. wanna play with fire?]
[mood |sicksick]
[music |The Buzz 94.5]

First off... bad news... ick... I'm sick.
*cough hack* Oh look, my lung!
I know all that ails me is a sinus infection... so when my body finally decides to fight the crap off I'll get better. Till then I shall continue to take all the OTC medication that will not actually fight the cold because it is not actually an antibiotic, but will at least make me feel better.

Second... the good and bad news... My keys were found in a trash box of Abby's. I guess when the culprit figured out that they couldn't change the pin number they tossed them in the closet trash. Alas, Snicker's jacket and my cell phone were not in the trash box as well.

Third... good news!!! My breakfast bakery delivery service for festival is sky rocketing with the Rennies. I have gone from making 2 dozen to 8 dozen this week! My investment hopefully will pay off a little by the end of festival. Right now all I can afford to do is put back the money that I have made into the business since my orders keep going up. If I get to the point where I plane out I will use my profits to purchase a solar oven so that when I run out on Saturday's I can make more for Sunday. Or if I can't cash out till the end of season all will be put do fixing my van.

Fourth... great news!!! My boss at my real job gave me a 50 cent raise today! For a small mom and pop style resturant, it is a generous and welcomed thank you.

Fifth... great news!!! My fire crystal stix will be in on Saturday. It is a deep reach into shallow pockets, but it is worth it. Stix is only making 6 sets this year, and one of those shall be mine.

Sixth... great news!!! My fire Hula Hoop got a face lift today. New wicks, new taping, new metal hardware, etc. All I need now is a safety that will show up.

Seventh... HOLY FREAKING OOM!!! MO IS IN TOWN!!!! SEE YOU AT LAST CONCERT CAFE ON WED. I SHALL HAVE MY FIRE TOYS.
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Cell Phone, Credit Card, and Keys Stolen! [Oct. 9th, 2006|10:26 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[mood |depresseddepressed]

No good Horrible bad Weekend
Alright... so there was some good in it... but alas...

Snicker's jacket was stolen out of Abby and Potter's tent.

My cell phone and keys were in the jacket. My credit card was on my keys.

Dumbasses were stupid enough to try and call my bank to change the pin number and use my cell phone. They couldn't change the pin number since they didn't have the correct information, but they did use my cell phone. My cell phone company is going to prosicute. I have to get a police report for my cell phone. Alltel has the numbers that they called. They sent a few text messages, but those can't be traced.

If anyone knows where my cell phone or keys happen to be... please let me know! I would hate for this to be a big mistake and my cell phone company file charges on one of my friends.

Oh... and if you want me to be able to call you! Send me a message with your phone number since I've lost all my numbers.
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For Blu and Stringer... it was acutally a happy tune [Sep. 25th, 2006|05:27 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[Current Location |at home]
[mood |artisticartistic]
[music |Korn - Coming Undone]

One of the only songs I wrote... it was written as a joke for my friend Stringer who hand written an odd little poem with the line a "the butterfly dies". Blu desperatly wanted him to change it because she had a butterfly tattoo, but instead we decided to have a little challenge to see who could write a song with "the butterfly dies" in the lyrics. Thus my chorus was born! I don't know why such a depressing tune came out of my brain... but think of it in sudo-Evanessence style... this was written a few years before that band hit it off... but I was thinking Type O with female vocals when I wrote it if it helps.

And Slowly... the Butterfly Dies

My nails scraping down my face with tears of blood from my disgrace
hate ragin from within love dying for my next of kin
eyes of love following me close the mistakes I make next no one knows
loneliness rising up from below the worst pain to feel is hollow
each time I glace at someones face all I can remember is my disgrace

I once was your pretty butterfly but then I betrayed you with my lies
and not that your gone I cry and slowly... the butterfly dies.

Through my disgrace I have come to love,
through my disgrace I have come to hate
My demons that follow me I will rise above
I will learn that myself not my demons have given me my fate
Life, Love, Anger, and Pain,
all feed the demon I retain.

I was once your pretty butterfly, but then I betrayed you with my lies,
and now that your gone I cry and slowly... the butterfly dies.

Until I can forgive myself for my disgrace
you are my deomn that puts me in this place.
Betraying your feeling and love is my disgrace
and my demon that I must rise above.

I was once your pretty butterfly, but then I betrayed your with my lies,
and now that your gone I cry and slowly... the butterfly flies.
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Shai Shai my dog [Aug. 21st, 2006|10:22 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[mood |sadsad]

I need to find a new home for my dog. He is a sweetie, but my boyfriend can't handle having a dog in the house anymore. He is going to be a medium sized dog, right now he is 6 to 7 months old. He is decently behaved, somewhat house trained, fuzzy, lovable, etc. I'll even give you the large bag of dog food that I have for him. I want to be able to give him to someone that I know so that I can see him every once in a while. I love my dog and don't want to give him up, but I don't see any other way for my boyfriend and I to resolve this. If anyone is interested please let me know. I have till the end of the month to get rid of my dog.
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Little Blue Card [Aug. 14th, 2006|10:52 pm]
Lady Aria das Helga Saturnalia
[mood |pleasedpleased]
[music |Numa Numa... damn that song!]

Went down to the San Jose Clinic today and got my little blue card that says I can go see a doctor at the clinic for very cheap. Unfourtunatly there wasn't a doctor there today, so I have to go back on Wed. At least I have my card. Payment is on a sliding scale based on what you make, I have to pay 15 bucks per visit, but everything, meds, all of it is 15 bucks! So yea! 15 bucks is NOT BAD for a doctor visit. Now granted it will take me ALL DAY to see a doctor... but it is MUCH better then sitting all day and all night at the emergency room and having to pay 1500 bucks!!!
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